Your Guide to Parents' Evening
How I get the most out of that 10 minute chat...
In British schools, October means it’s Parents’ Evening Season. And whilst it might seem too early for your child’s new teacher to meet with you about progress, you absolutely should attend.
One of the main issues with Parents’ Evening is that they are short. Each slot is typically 10-15 minutes, meaning that you need to make each minute count.
Whilst teachers should have a plan of what they are going to say to you, it doesn’t hurt to be prepared with your own questions.
As a former teacher and mum to three, it’s safe to say I’ve had a lot of Parent’s Evenings over the years.
I know that there is nothing worse than attending a Parent's Evening and feeling as though the teacher doesn’t know your child.
I know the horrible feeling of being bombarded with an issue that you were previously blissfully unaware of.
Here’s how I approach parent’s evening…
Preparation
I recently saw a Threads post that went something along the lines of, ‘I don’t attend parents evening. My child gets good grades and is never in trouble.’ And whilst, yes, that is fantastic, there is so much more to attending parents evening.
First and foremost, it shows your child that you are interest in their education and their lives beyond home. Attending also helps you get to know the teachers and school a little better.
School’s usually give plenty of notice for Parent’s Evening, so get the dates in the diary. Set a remember on your phone when slots are made available to book - you often need to be lightening fast to get the appointment you want!
If the stars don’t align and you can’t make the evening, speak to the teachers and make alternative arrangements.
Should your child attend?
This really varies from school to school. Some strictly do not want children there whilst others encourage it. If communication hasn’t been very clear from the school, check in with the teacher.
If at all possible, leave younger siblings at nursery or in the care of a trusted adult so that they aren’t distracting from your discussion. It’s very difficult to focus on the meeting if a toddler is trying their best to destroy a display - I speak from experience on this one! Ultimately, My husband and I decided that it was much better for one of us to attend and give full focus than both attend with distracted focus.
Question Prep
Since it’s the first parents’ evening of the year, you probably haven’t had the opportunity to see any of your child’s work from this academic term. Therefore, refer back to the previous school report and review the contents. The end of year report will give you topics of conversation to help tailor the meeting to your child’s needs.
Talk to your child about their progress but don’t just make it about academics. Ask them about friendships, any difficulties they’ve had understanding lessons and whether they are enjoying the new term.
Since you only have 10-15 minutes, aim to prepare between 3-5 questions that you could ask. Subjects could include:
academic progress
learning style and needs
classroom behaviour and social skills
engagement and motivation
support and collaboration
Sometimes, a school might also ask you to do a little preparation beforehand. I’ve previously been asked by teachers to consider ‘two stars and a wish’ (two things I think my child is doing well and one thing I would like them to work on) prior to the meeting.
Clear Communication
Neither you or the teacher should feel blindsided by anything that happens during Parents’ Evening.
Parents’ Evening is really intended as a general overview of your child’s progress and if the teacher has noticed anything more serious, they should’ve already made you aware.
Likewise, avoid saving up all issues until Parents’ Evening. You want to make your child the centre of the evening rather than creating a catalogue of complaints about teaching or management.
If you have major concerns about your child’s academic progress, friendships or behaviour, then arrange for a separate meeting to take place. This gives the school time to investigate and arrange for any specialist teachers (such as the SENCO) to be present.
Teacher Lingo
Don’t be embarrassed to ask for clarification on terms. Teachers, myself included, tend to speak in abbreviations or teacher talk. You might’ve noticed it above when I used the term ‘SENCO’. SENCO is the abbreviated form of Specialist Educational Needs Coordinator. You might’ve heard the term before or perhaps you haven’t. Most teachers aren’t trying to be difficult when they use technical language — they just forget!
Keep an open mind
It can feel terribly confronting when you are faced with an issue over your child’s progress. Try to avoid jumping to conclusions and listen carefully to the teacher’s feedback.
Aim to ask clear, constructive questions that will help you to overcome any problems. For example:
How can we address this challenge together?
How can I support learning at home?
With that being said, you shouldn’t be in a situation where you are faced with a laundry list of negatives from the teacher. However, if this arises, prompt them for feedback on strengths.
Goal Setting
Be wary of the teacher who claims your child is perfect in every way.
Be wary of thinking that your own child is perfect in every way.
I’ve had plenty of experience of teaching children who are naturally good at everything, but there is always something that could be developed.
Aim to set a SMART goal for your child that is specific to their needs. Something that could be worked on for one school term (approximately 6 weeks) is best.
For example, instead of saying 'I want Daisy to be able to tell the time’, break it down to working on telling the time to o’clock and half-past as a starting point.
Here’s some more examples:
Instead of ‘write better stories’ try ‘use adjectives to improve descriptions’.
Instead of ‘talking more in class discussions’ try ‘contribute at least one idea per lesson’.
Currently one of the students I tutor is working on a simplified goal to help improve his reading. Whilst the overall goal is to help boost reading fluency, the actual goal right now is about reading CVC (consonant vowel consonant) words. Once he has mastered these, we will move on to a new goal.
Plan to follow up on any goals you have made towards the end of next term. This could simply be an informal chat at the school gates or a longer meeting.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Parents’ Evening
Good:
Good schools will notify parents of Parents’ Evening at least 6 weeks in advance. They will also send out further notifications when the booking system is open.
When you meet your child’s teacher, you should feel like the teacher really knows your child.
The meeting shows a good balance between what your child excels at and what they need to work on.
The teacher talks about ‘whole-child’ progress, rather than focusing on academics only.
Plans are clearly in place for interventions and how you can help your child at home.
In addition to this, a good school will usually invite you to an open morning or afternoon a few times per year so that you can view your child’s school work.
Bad:
You are genuinely shocked by some aspects of the meeting with regards to behaviour issues or academic progress.*
The meeting is generic and you don’t get the impression the teachers know your child at all.
The teacher is overly negative and doesn’t highlight any areas of strength.
The meetings are severely behind schedule, leaving you feeling frustrated!
*I will caveat this by saying, this doesn’t count if you have missed all requests for meetings from the school!
What to do with the information you receive
Do:
Sit down with your child and go through the information and what it means
Praise effort and progress.
Seek out clarification from the teacher if you are unsure of anything
Ask for advice on how to help your child at home, particularly if you notice any patterns. For example, issues with focus and concentration levels.
Request information on how the teachers plan to help your child in the next class (in instances where they do need extra support).
Make a plan, if needed, to seek out resources online or 1:1 tuition to support your child.
Don’t:
If you have more than one child, avoid comparisons and overly favouring one child’s results.
Focus solely on the negative aspects of the report.
Feel bad about requesting further meetings.
Avoid seeking out help for your child so that they can better grasp concepts they are falling behind on.